Black...Umm...Thursday Shopping

Yeah. I caved into materialistic pressure and went Black Friday shopping on Thanksgiving evening... and I'm taking you with.

Tidbit: Turkey

For the past twenty years or so, I've served Lemon Sage Turkey to my fellow Thanksgivians to kickstart our holiday poundage. And now, at long last, by popular request, here is the recipe...

LEMON SAGE TURKEY

3 tablespoons grated lemon rind (but stop when you get to the white part, it's nasty and bitter)
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice (you had to do something with all those naked lemons, right?)
3 tablespoons dried thyme (I like fresh)
2 tablespoons dried rubbed sage (ditto)
1 tablespoon cracked black pepper (I wimp out here and just used the stuff already ground)
1 teaspoon salt (go ahead, it won't kill you unless you eat half a container every day)
A 12 pound turkey, thawed (this is the deal breaker if you're vegan, and 12 pounds? really? My 19 year old could eat that much for a bedtime snack. Today I'm cooking a 24 pounder...and I doubled these ingredients.)

1. Combine everything except the turkey. Come on. What'd ya think? Would you seriously have had a big enough bowl to mix in the turkey?

2. Give your turkey a bath in the sink. Remove the oogly-googlies from inside. You can cook them in a separate dish or give them to the dog. Your call.

3. Starting at the neck, loosen skin from breast and drumsticks by playing proctologist, I mean inserting fingers and stretching it out a bit. Then shove the sage mixture to coat between skin and turkey flesh. Oops. I think I just made a few vegans throw up in their mouths a little.

4. Do the flip side of Mr. Turkey and use up all the herb deliciousness. Then put the bird breast side down in a big ol' roasting pan, add 4 cups of chicken broth, cover with foil, and voila. However many hours later (depending on size), you will have a a tasty mouthful of poultry to start your 10 pound holiday weight gain.

Oh yeah, little tip... let the turkey rest for at least a half hour before you cut it up to serve. Keeps it juicier. And don't forget to make some mouth-watering gravy with all the pan drippings!

The Times, They Are a Changin'

The publishing world is changing with whiplash speed. In the ten years I've been writing, the stigma of being self-published isn't a big deal anymore. In fact, superstar authors are self-pubbing like crazy-go-nuts.

Another seismic shift is all the merging going on. Large houses are eating smaller ones or even swallowing other sizable pubs like ginormous PacMans. Whoa. Dated myself there. Don't worry...I won't start blasting any KC and the Sunshine Band. But I digress.

These are just a few of the changes in the writerly world. If this topic piques your interest, check out Christian Fiction Sees the Light, an in-depth article put out by Library Journal.

Think Small for Big Success

Prolific blogger and author Jeff Goins says,

“Spending five hours on a Saturday writing isn’t nearly as valuable as writing thirty minutes every day of the week.” 

Hmm. Personally, I'm not sure I buy that. 30 minutes doesn't give me enough time to get my head in the game. I'd much prefer an hour a day for five days. Two hours, even better, but how realistic is that?

Not.

And therein lies the dilemma of every writer. Not only how to find the time to write, but how to flip on the switch of your muse for those snatched moments of time when you can write.

Whenever I sit down to pound away on my Great American Novel, it helps to spit out a sentence or two of scene details. Who's in it. What they're doing. Why they're doing it. The emotion of the scene. The purpose of the scene. Yeah, that about covers it.

And then I kick into dialogue mode. Dialogue is the easiest thing to write when you're short on time. All you have to do is listen to the voices in your head and type down what they're saying. What? You don't hear any voices? Then move on to Plan B...write 1  paragraph of setting. Just one. It's manageable and not very intimidating. In fact, you'll be surprised how often capturing a blurb of setting leads into one more paragraph, and then one more.

Ideally, we'd all like to have 5 glorious hours of uninterrupted writerly hours, but those word feasts are few and far between. Live in Realsville and aim for smaller chunks if you want to be successful.

What Writers Do When They're Bored

Yeah, I know. I'm looking down the barrel of 15k words that are s'posed to be written by the end of the week. I've got to prepare a Thanksgiving feast for 13 people, and I have no clean underwear in the drawer. Oops. TMI?

The point is, there is no freaking way I should be surfing the net wasting time...but that's exactly what I did yesterday afternoon, and have I found a few fun sites for you!

Snap Bubbles
Who doesn't love to pop those little plastic air bubbles used as packing material? Besides fun sucking kill-joys, I mean. Oh, you don't have any on hand because you popped every last one? Never fear. This is the site for you. Pop away, you deviant plastic smashing killing machine. Granted, you don't get the tactile sensory gratification and the sound isn't quite the right tone, but it is kind of addicting nonetheless.

Virtual Piano
Okay, so admit it. You've always regretted dropping out of piano lessons. And now you don't even have the space in your living room to own a piano. Don't worry. Be happy at Virtual Piano. Bang away all you like. You can even record your session and play it back. Don't be intimidated. You'll be surprised when you play it back at how great it sounds.

Cleverbot
Just because you have a stupid phone doesn't mean you need to miss out on the fun of Siri. In fact, Cleverbot is even more of a hoot. If you can't think of something to say, it will ask you a question.

I suppose that's enough time wasted for one day...unless you'd like to share some other fun sites with me???

I'm thankful for...

Black jelly beans, fat pants, a french press full of burundi, purply pink nail polish and...

Tidbit: Abduction

How do you get yourself out of an abduction situation? Scream? Kick? Bite? Not if you're in the middle of a cemetery, it's just past midnight, and you're one against three. What to do?

Google it. That's what I did. Of course, that won't work in real life, but I sure picked up all kinds of tips and ideas for KC, a character in my latest WIP.  Just in case you ever find yourself abducted, here are a few things you should know...

Lie
Say anything to distract, confuse, or make the thugs think twice about abducting you. Ideas? Make up a contagious disease. Tell them there are security cameras in the area. Tell them your dad is the chief of police. Whatever.

Observe
While panic is only natural, calm yourself as much as possible and become uber observant. Not only will details about your captors help later on when/if you're rescued, it gives you a chance to formulate a possible escape plan.

Optimism
A positive attitude is essential. This is one thing all abduction survivors have in common. No groveling, begging or hysterics. Keep your dignity because it is psychologically harder for a person to harm or kill if a captive remains "human" in their eyes.

Listen
Everything your captor says is a potential tool to use against him/her. Background noises can be helpful as well to let you know where you are and if there's a possibility of help nearby.

The number one rule is do whatever you have to do to stay alive. In the case of my character, the poor girl is going to have to dive into an open grave.

Hopefully you'll never have to use these tips--except for spicing up a story of your own!