Questions You Shouldn't Ask a Writer

DAY 52

Word Count: 33,424

Sentence of the Day: The words were ashes in his mouth.

When people ask me what I do and I tell them I'm a writer, one of two things generally happens. Either they look at me like they're passing a particularly nasty bit of roadkill, or the floodgates open and I'm bombarded with questions. As a courtesy to the next writer you may come across, here's a list of questions you might want to keep dammed up.

How much money do you make?
Seriously? Do you ask the Wal-Mart greeter how much he makes? How about your proctologist? Ever ask him?

I didn't get around to buying your book yet...don't you have a complimentary copy?
No, I don't. I buy my books just like the rest of the general public. Granted, I get a hefty discount, but still...if I don't buy you a Christmas or birthday present, what makes you think I'll gift you with a book?

When they make a movie of your book, do you think you could get me a part?
Right. Like that's going to happen. And if it did, I'm the one who'll be playing leading lady across from Jim Caviezel, not you (sorry MaryLu).

My life is a story. Will you ghost write it?
Unless your story involves Vikings, knights, castles or perhaps a strapping young nobleman, the answer is no.

Does mental illness run in your family?
Why...does it show?