Disclaimer: Don't worry. This post has absolutely nothing to do with cleansing or flushing or other intestinal-type unmentionables.
“Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you've been to college.”
Every time I see a semi-colon, I want to whip out a flyswatter and smack it for the annoyance that it is. Yeah. I know. Grammar teachers get all twitchy whenever I attack a piece of punctuation. But really, do we need to hook up sentences like a never-ending train in a work of fiction?
I think not.
Before you pitch your rotten tomatoes, make sure you've got enough in your bushel basket because I'm not the only one with an aversion to semi-colons.
"The semi-colon is a burp, a hiccup. It's a drunk staggering out of the saloon at 2 a.m., grabbing your lapels on the way and asking you to listen to one more story."
Semi-colons tend to make readers stumble. It pulls them out of the story, making them wonder if the dang thing was used correctly or if it was really necessary in the first place. Worse, the reader isn't sure, so he digs deep into his gray matter, desperately trying to recall his junior high grammar class. Cue instant adolescent angst, and trust me on this, ain't nobody got time for that.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying we pull out the big guns and blow all those dotted curves to teeny tiny bits of punctuation dust. Semi-colons have their place in non-fiction, just stay out of my fairy tales.
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8 comments:
Ha! I LOVE JB's quote. :o) And I HATE semicolons in fiction. My editor tossed one in my manuscript and just as fast, I tossed it out and explained my aversion. She was okay with that. :o)
I hate them too. Of course, there have been a couple of times when they really did express the kind of rhythm I needed in the sentence. I sat there and mulled for a few minutes: was it worth risking the ire of creatives everywhere by throwing in this hybrid mutant of a punctuation mark? Then I decided I was wasting too much thought on it and changed it to a period.
Michelle, I never thought much about semicolons until I got serious about this writing thing. Their use or non-use seems to represent a hill upon which some authors and editors are prepared to die. That group does not include me.
I think I may have inserted a semicolon once or twice in my years of writing, and I seem to recall one that an editor actually put in. When stacked up against shifting point-of-view or excessive use of adverbs, semicolons pale in comparison. They're the pawns of writing, and I'm more interested in the queen. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Hmmm. I don't even recall the last time I used a semi-colon while typing. :)
Fun discussion, but I can't help wondering why we would want to eliminate tools from our toolbox? Used correctly (and rarely), the semicolon is a great device--particularly when you *want* that burp or hiccup or drunk grabbing the reader and making him pay attention. Fortunately though, it's far a more subtle cue.
Ane ~ How do you really feel about semicolons?
Carla ~ Good call.
Richard ~ I'm not saying I'll die upon this hill. There's way too many other more important issues to spill one's blood for...like dark vs. milk chocolate.
Chappy ~ Then don't start now. Just say no.
Linda ~ I prefer to think of the lowly semicolon as a rust spot on the outside of the toolbox rather than a noble pipe wrench within.
Semi colons make the best winky faces. ; )
True, Kelly! I was going to say that I think that is the only time I ever use the semi colon. ;-)
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